I am concerned with the closing of the essay. I feel that I may not have concluded it well enough and possibly need to add more to the ending of the paper. I also feel that I may need to add more to body itself describing the features and meaning of the cell phone.
2 comments:
Your draft is pretty much excellent. A few grammar errors but nothing significant. For your conclusion, if you want to add more, you might want to tie in uses of the cell phone for the younger population as you did for the business world.
I think your paper was pretty good. I do agree with your concerns about the conclusion and with a few more sentences and eloration, the conclusion would be excellent.
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